And another one says, sorry…

This time I was not even looking for a relationship, I was just wanting to be friends and this girl came from nowhere and said she liked what I wrote on my online profile and wanted to hang  out. We hung out a couple of times and I can say I was gentlemanly as well as attentive. Her reason for not choosing to hang out more was cause I was too tall (heck, yes. I am 6’0 and she is 5’3 – guess we are ‘miles’ apart, sigh!). Since she said that she had been texting me and asking me for opinion on who to date and stuff and I was still continuing to talk.

Today is my birthday (Thank you, You do not have to comment birthday wishes now, but I feel your thoughts, so I would like to thank you :)) and she wishes me and then asks me to go to another online dating site and also told me she found someone ‘better than her ex’ today. How sweet! Guess I was a wee bit jealous, or in some kind of a ‘losing situation sadness’

I wished her the best and told her I would pray for her well being (and I did in my morning prayers today).

Just wanted to write about it here. Not that I am hurt deeply, but I should say I feel a little sad. Maybe on another day, I would not have been too bothered. But then birthdays are just overrated.

“She” (my ‘she’) was an amazing friend. I will always miss her. I pray for her well being and ‘hers’ everyday. I am happy for that.

I can swear I saw “her” in my dreams last night, but I really cannot recollect anything now. Should have been good, am sure 🙂

All you wonderful people out there – take care and God bless you…

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Full Moon Day!

I always love looking up at the full moon. It is a full moon day today and as always I am thinking of her and wondering what she is up to. Maybe the moon will reflect my thought beams to her. 🙂

Go out and see the moon. Bask in her glory.

To everyone who is reading this – you will have an amazingly happy and blessed month ahead. Take care and keep smiling.

 

 

Every living moment

While I have read and heard from several people that clinging on to lost love is foolish, I absolutely cannot overcome thinking about her. After all, I started off by being her friend and wanted to be her close friend always. I expressed myself at the most inopportune time and behaved with her in ways, I should not have with a friend. I miss her tremendously and all I want right now is to be her friend always.

It is this inherent wish to be loved by everyone I meet in my life, I wanted to be loved by her as well. But she mistook it for cupid/carnal love. It was neither, it was pure, unadulterated love that cannot be defined with a simple set of words.

I wish she understood that and came back to me.

I only wish for her to remember me during the best and worst (hopefully does not experience this though) of times. I want to be her trustworthy friend who she can trust at any point in time in her life.

Everyday, I am scared that if I were to die in a random accident or a shooting (which has happened more often than anybody would want in my current city in the US), she may not know that I was thinking about her all the time. Even if something happens to me, I only wish that she reads this and know that I thought about her every living moment, including my last one.

I love y0u my friend. I just want you to be happy always and loved by you as a friend always.

 

 

 

 

Words I cannot erase…

Please do not read this, if you do not wish to read some random memories of a total stranger. This is just me trying to tell someone, what is on my mind and I cannot find the strength or courage to tell anyone about it, without lowering my self esteem. So I am taking to this blog as a faceless guy in the crowd….so just another personal diary. I do have a personal diary on Penzu, hope to share it with her sometime closer to the end of my story….

He is almost always happy, I can go on any adventure with him and I feel safe around him, I love the way his body smells – without perfume, I was told that when I meet the right one I would know, and look I did, He moves his hands when he speaks as if he cannot articulate without gesturing and now I am starting to get that too, He is going to this Halloween party as black Superman, I am kind of jealous ’cause of all the girls who would be there, I have never met someone who can swim better, run faster or climb like I do, ever.

Jealousy is so unbecoming, but right now I cannot find an emotion to replace it.

I know many before me have said it, but I know that I can never be over her. Never in this lifetime. I may learn to hide and lie better, but I will cease being in love with her only when I cease to exist and I sincerely pray that happens sooner than later.

But it is not all sadness and no joy, I will try to live my life the best way I can and I hope to make some differences to the lives of people around me. However, I would not regret living longer because…never mind. I don’t know how to express that in words, so I will stop here.

Important note: Do not dare to belittle her character or decisions. He is 100 times better suited for her than I am and I never really thought about approaching her ever. She was being a wonderful friend and a caring person and went out of her way to not hurt me every time she could. I can never ever hate her and I do not want anyone who reads my blog to ever think she was the one who misled me. It is just a combination of all things wrong on my side.  I would rather have no “likes” or comments on this blog than anyone saying anything remotely disrespectful of her. The man is always not right no matter how succinctly or emotionally he puts it. I can go on and on, but I hope you understand my thoughts. She is THE most perfect being I have met and I do not want anyone to think otherwise.