Firstly, I would like to thank you for showing interest in my blog and also trying to read my ‘About’ page to know who is this is crazy guy.

I am from Asia, raised with a lot of traditional, conservative values in one of the metros in my country. From a very young age, I grew up reading a lot of books and my perspective towards life and my outlook was very different from a traditional boy from back home.

I am over 30 years old and had always believed that there can be no such thing as one true love. I have believed that love is just a chemical reaction (it probably is), that messes you up enough to experience sadness and happiness at the same time. I thought you would not be able to love the same person if you see them day-in and day-out for a long period of time. I have been with a lot of friends, girls and boys, and whenever a girl got a little close to me I would think, Nah, this is not worth it. I have remained a virgin up until now, though I have had some ‘interesting’ experiences in massage places. I thought no girl was worth all the hype that people give over love. No girl, would be able to make me feel so simple about myself that I would lose all focus thinking only about her.

And then, I met her!

My world changed. Sunrises felt brighter and warmer, Nights were more romantic than ever. The air I breathed felt fuller and smelt nicer. My mirror showed me a person who seemed way more handsome than I ever was.

And then I realized she can’t be mine…

And this blog is a rant off of a love struck idiot, going through a phase of loss of love in his life. Or so you would think. No, this is much more than that. This blog is a testament to my thoughts and what I have felt so far and am feeling currently as I fight my way through this phase and try to bring myself back on to my feet. I still love her and always will. Read on and share your thoughts. I am a sucker for both appreciation and abuse. So speak your mind.

Oh, by the way, the image you see in the header, well I drew that on a hotel letter pad – this was a beach I visited with her, and there is actually a photograph with her silhouette. When I drew this, I removed her silhouette. Of course I had another hand drawn version with her as well, which I gave her.

My request to anyone who cares to listen: Love truly, at least once in your life – whether you succeed or fail, the experience teaches you realization and enlightenment like nothing else.

Important note: Do not dare to belittle her character or decisions. He is 100 times better suited for her than I am and I never really thought about approaching her ever. She was being a wonderful friend and a caring person and went out of her way to not hurt me every time she could. I can never ever hate her and I do not want anyone who reads my blog to ever think she was the one who misled me. It is just a combination of all things wrong on my side.  I would rather have no “likes” or comments on this blog than anyone saying anything remotely disrespectful of her. A man is not always right, no matter how succinctly or emotionally he puts it. I can go on and on, but I hope you understand my thoughts. She is THE most perfect being I have met and I do not want anyone to think otherwise.


38 thoughts on “About

  1. My dear friend BP,
    Here i am, visiting this amazing blog of yours and admiring your honesty, your courage to introspect, your deep values of life. I’m not only discovering a beautiful love, i also discovered a loving heart who deserves nothing but happiness and inner peace. And love…
    Your story brought back to me so many moments of my own, so many wounds that i’m trying to heal. That’s why i consider you a dear friend of mine, and hope you wont mind i’m calling you like this…And time heals…some days are better, some are worse but, with faith and hope, even a broken heart shines bright.
    Blessings and wishes of love!

    • Dear Carissa,

      I am honored that you should call me your dear friend. I do wish to be one. I can send you a more elaborate account of how I fell for her to you personally if you wish to know. It is quite risque and surely not something I would want to post here.

      But you are a charming and loving being yourself. I love the way you write.

      My heart is broken indeed and she is the only cure to it. Or at least her thoughts.

      • Of course i wanna read more about your feelings for her, i just hope is not too painful to you writing about this. It makes me happy knowing you trust me enough to share with me the sides of your story “hidden” from public eyes.
        So, if you ever wanna write me, this is my mail: carissa_provenzano@yahoo.com
        My prayers for your broken heart to be protected and enlightened by Love!

  2. I’m sorry that you got hurt. I found my true love but he sure had the fight of his life to win me over. I’m very blessed to have him. We’ve been married 10 years. It is worth the risk. Thank you for following my blog 🙂

  3. I had tears reading this and my heart aches for you. Never give up on love though as you just don’t know what’s around the corner. Whether she will only ever be the one and whether things change for you or you meet someone new, know that you deserve to be loved. Thank you for being so honest and brave in putting your words to paper. Also, remember that you have so much support and love from people out here who have also loved and lost. Warmest wishes all the way from Australia.

    • Oh Miriam, Thank you so very much. I am moved by your thoughts and I cannot bring words to express myself. You are such a beautiful person and I know it though I have never met you. Like I have mentioned many times in my blog, this was unrequited love and she had no part in making me feel the way I am. I was just fatally attracted to her and I dare say I will never be over her, but I shall truly try to love my best again.

      Again, thank you very much and I really hope, pray and am ready to pledge my life to see people like you happy forever and ever.

      With unimaginable love,

    • Thank you Cari. That is ’cause you have such a soft sweet heart, that melts easily and cares for the people around. Credit goes to gold that allows itself to be malleable and shape itself into beautiful ornaments that adorn people, not to the torch that makes it melt 😉

  4. Hey. Thank you for following my blog and for giving me that chance of discovering yours. Your ‘about me’ piece is instriguing as hell and I felt my heart faintly clench while reading.

    Again, my warmest thanks

    -Maw, also from Asia, and raised with a lot of traditional, conservative values 🙂

  5. Hey. So I’ve added the comment thing on my about page. Thanks for pointing it out; I didn’t really notice it was disabled. However, I’m still trying to figure out the private message thing. Again, thanks.

  6. Hallo … you kindly left a comment on a comment that i left… thank you – as it has allowed me to discover you… and i would defend my Love to the ends of the earth too. I have had many lovers, all of whom i am still in their lives. But Mr F is the love that is my destiny. Be well and thank you for your writings – agatha

    • Oh thank you so much Agatha! It feels good to be discovered. My story is sometimes even ridiculous to myself. She is like this personification of something I miss in my life and most times, I even know it is not her that I miss, but the possibility of what it could have been. However, I am trying to romanticize the whole situation and thereby derive some meaning of it.

      I do not even know why I am explaining this to you now, but you just made me feel strangely good. Thank you my friend. God bless and Godspeed with all things in your life. Do stay in touch if you can.

      • Dearest one …. so many people have their opinions… but the one thing they cannot do is respect anothers…. i have my own opinions and thoughts but i also respect others and others ways. Most people thought in the beginning that my relationship with Mr F was insane… but 7 years later and i could not be happier… it is still as weird as it always was – now even weirder… but it is how we work and it works and i love Him… so … be well dear friend

        • Well you are a wonderful person Agatha. I am so happy to have met you here. People like you make the world a beautiful place through simple words. A friend like you would be an amazing thing to have. Take care and bring joy to everyone around you, as I am sure you are, my friend.

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