While I have read and heard from several people that clinging on to lost love is foolish, I absolutely cannot overcome thinking about her. After all, I started off by being her friend and wanted to be her close friend always. I expressed myself at the most inopportune time and behaved with her in ways, I should not have with a friend. I miss her tremendously and all I want right now is to be her friend always.
It is this inherent wish to be loved by everyone I meet in my life, I wanted to be loved by her as well. But she mistook it for cupid/carnal love. It was neither, it was pure, unadulterated love that cannot be defined with a simple set of words.
I wish she understood that and came back to me.
I only wish for her to remember me during the best and worst (hopefully does not experience this though) of times. I want to be her trustworthy friend who she can trust at any point in time in her life.
Everyday, I am scared that if I were to die in a random accident or a shooting (which has happened more often than anybody would want in my current city in the US), she may not know that I was thinking about her all the time. Even if something happens to me, I only wish that she reads this and know that I thought about her every living moment, including my last one.
I love y0u my friend. I just want you to be happy always and loved by you as a friend always.