Please do not read this, if you do not wish to read some random memories of a total stranger. This is just me trying to tell someone, what is on my mind and I cannot find the strength or courage to tell anyone about it, without lowering my self esteem. So I am taking to this blog as a faceless guy in the crowd….so just another personal diary. I do have a personal diary on Penzu, hope to share it with her sometime closer to the end of my story….
He is almost always happy, I can go on any adventure with him and I feel safe around him, I love the way his body smells – without perfume, I was told that when I meet the right one I would know, and look I did, He moves his hands when he speaks as if he cannot articulate without gesturing and now I am starting to get that too, He is going to this Halloween party as black Superman, I am kind of jealous ’cause of all the girls who would be there, I have never met someone who can swim better, run faster or climb like I do, ever.
Jealousy is so unbecoming, but right now I cannot find an emotion to replace it.
I know many before me have said it, but I know that I can never be over her. Never in this lifetime. I may learn to hide and lie better, but I will cease being in love with her only when I cease to exist and I sincerely pray that happens sooner than later.
But it is not all sadness and no joy, I will try to live my life the best way I can and I hope to make some differences to the lives of people around me. However, I would not regret living longer because…never mind. I don’t know how to express that in words, so I will stop here.
Important note: Do not dare to belittle her character or decisions. He is 100 times better suited for her than I am and I never really thought about approaching her ever. She was being a wonderful friend and a caring person and went out of her way to not hurt me every time she could. I can never ever hate her and I do not want anyone who reads my blog to ever think she was the one who misled me. It is just a combination of all things wrong on my side. I would rather have no “likes” or comments on this blog than anyone saying anything remotely disrespectful of her. The man is always not right no matter how succinctly or emotionally he puts it. I can go on and on, but I hope you understand my thoughts. She is THE most perfect being I have met and I do not want anyone to think otherwise.