I wrote a really long post pouring out all the thoughts – negative and positive – I had in my mind. But I deleted it and mailed the content to myself. I will never be able to share it with anyone and it is best that it gets buried with me.
We were talking about what happened back at my home yesterday and eventually the conversation panned to other subjects including our relationship. Some words were said that struck me deeply. But I did not express much as I knew how she formed those thoughts and there was no point in explaining anything to her anymore. But I did tell her a few things and then changed subjects.
Anyway, she said some nice things about me to make me feel good about myself. Not that I did, but I do love hearing nice things about me from her. Thanks to her for her kind words.
I told her that I only want to be the next best friend she has in her life, after him. She promised me that I would be that. I hope she keeps this promise. At least this one single promise.
I am trying my best to change my mind and be with other friends. I am even counselling others for their problems (I am usually a good listener who does not dispense free advice, but provides perspectives and suggestions) and some of them have thanked me profusely for helping them. Brings a smile to my face. A rare one these days.
I am editing this portion again and holding back my thoughts. I was a very happy person a while ago, things happened and I am fighting back. I hope to be happy again, even if there is a little bit of lingering sadness.
She is blissfully happy. I want her to stay that way. As long as she is in touch with me forever and regards me as her closest friend I am happy.
I will love her when I breathe my last and with every breath I take, until then.